Time heals?

Does time heal?

Maybe someone who has been in this situation for longer than I can answer, if time has truly been able to help you heal the loss of someone very important to you. Or have you been able to heal the most traumatic experience you have ever gone through.

There are many different things I have experienced in life that I have been able to “heal” from. While others I have truly healed and have been able to leave in the past.

To the point, it does not hurt anymore when I talk or think about it, some are deep childhood traumas to the loss of dear ships.

Certain things, let’s say for example; losing my grandma, I have “healed” parts of it. Not being able to speak to her as an adult, not being able to ask her for advice and hoping to hear her say she is proud of who I have grown up to be has been challenging emotionally. Sometimes, I get melancholy over her not being here in the physical realm.

Something else that was a huge hit for me is what a lot of you already know. Growing up to see mostly everyone I loved dearly the way I see them today’s day. That was one of my biggest heartbreaks as an adult. The disappointments. The let downs. The pain each individual brought to me.

My latest one is the loss of my children’s father. It has been over a year and I still can’t bring up my feelings about his departure without that knot in my throat and teary eyes. I have been able to bring up jokes he has said or speak to the kids about “oh if daddy were here he would say” or just memories in general. Sometimes, I can’t even hear songs I used to listened to with him or that related us to one another.

I know ppl say time heals but for me time just helps us dim the pain in ways we can burry them as long as we don’t speak or think about the person or the matter.

Why? There are many scenarios.

The death of someone who grows old and passes away is known to eventually happen and some how we manage to just live with the knowing that one day our time will come and we will go. BUT the way certain deaths happen or who was the one that left it’s where all the pain may vary. Same goes for the different scenarios we experience that harden us into hating people, places and things.

Although I have plenty I’ll bring up 3 to explain why I feel this way…

1. When my grandma left this realm I felt my heart hurt like I have never felt heartache before. Today I have managed to live with the fact that although she is not physically here she is always with me energetically. The hurtful part I have not being able to heal fully is when, I think of me being here in NY and her in DR, she did not want to come back to NY and I was unable to be fully in DR due to my children. For some reason I have always wished she was with me or at least at my dad’s close by me. But life happened how it happened and that is a part of my life I could never change so I have learned to live with it.

   
   

2. When I lost everyone I lost in 2021 my heart hurt as if I was going to die, the tears, the lack of wanting to eat or live. But thank God as I healed each detachment God and Divine helped me walk away from, I gained a piece of my dying self each and every time. Although from time to time I have missed someone of them specially the relationship I had with some, I am at peace and content with the outcome.

3. When I lost my kids father I felt a part of me left with him. He completed me in so many ways. He is my soulmate. Till today’s day that part of me has not come back and I don’t think it ever will, not till we are together again in another lifetime or in the same realm. I don’t speak from the point of view of someone who has lost her husband. I speak from the point of view of a human who spent 19 years of her life with that other human. 2 people who created life and so many memories together. He is a part of my soul family, so it is deeper than just saying my “ex partner, ex fiancee, ex husband or ex boyfriend”.

Different hurts and pains might go away…

While others just remain.

I have learned to allow the way God and Divine show me things are written for me to flourish, no matter how hard certain things have been. And to be honest, the human in me has had times where I question everything.

There has been days I asked God and Divine for forgiveness when I question them. Although I have been shown it is ok to have questions and doubts I dislike questioning God and Divine. But they have shown me it is the only way to understand pain.

My children’s father being gone is one of the experiences I have questioned the most, due to the way it all happened so fast. I have made peace with the understanding that no matter how long passes by or how happy I become he not being here while I am is one of the things I will never get over in this lifetime.

It’s not impossible but for me is impossible because even if I smile and make the best of things or just do my best to be happy…

Each birthday. Each holiday. Each graduation.

No matter how much I accept he is no longer here I will never be able to heal fully that the kids don’t get to have their father by their side! That he’s not there to sign happy birthday to them. That he’s not here to give them a hug. A goodnight kisss. A lecture. To some it might be a simple get over it till it’s their turn to experience such loss.

But, my way of seeing pain is…

NO, NOT ALL TIME HEALS.